Your Lack Of Confidence, Is Holding You Back

 A lot of people are unable to manifest their dreams because of the lack of confidence  they have in themselves. I know this because I was one of them. Till this day I am still fighting for my confidence, every now and then  old habits kick in and I believe that I am not good enough. It is difficult to undo habits but as my mantra goes:  anything that allows my mind to expand is worth my time. 

My confidence was rob at a tender age of seven, by the school system, when I first realized that I wasn't "normal". According to the curriculum at the time, kids who could not spell or had a problem with integrating themselves into the system were "Ab-normal". To them, people were a one size fit all. In my opinion this is still a problem that we face in our society: the belief that we can create a one size fit all way of living for the millions of different souls roaming the planet. Thus, because I couldn't spell or had a problem with grammar, I was different. I had to see a long list of psychiatrist and specialist whose role were to bring me back to "normal". My parents were told that I should take several medication for my "condition" to help "normalize" me. To my relief, they refused. They trusted that although my road would be difficult there is nothing under the sun that their child couldn't do.   

Misspelling words or making grammatical errors weren't my biggest issue with being dyslexic, because regardless of my mistakes  ( which I still make very frequently), people still understood what I meant. The biggest problem that this predicament brought, was my lack of confidence. Although I often rant about how amazing my childhood was ( thought I truly did have an amazing childhood) I never mention my school days experiences as a child. Because in reality I am still traumatized. The young woman that I am today never wants to go back to those days, from breaking down in one of my psychiatric's office because I believed I was stupid, to being beyond scared of being called on to spell a word on the  board. The aftermath, however of these experiences was  the creation of constant self-doubt, in everything that I did, there was a voice inside of my head that would continuously say "this can't possibly be right! ask someone else's opinion".

Breaking away from that voice inside my head was not easy like I mention before habits rarely just go away, I had to do a lot of internal work, baby steps my way into gaining confidence. Again, poetry saved me, I always thought it was ironic that the very thing that I was told I couldn't do was what opened the doors for my healing: writing literally saved me. The secret is: the very thing that makes us vulnerable is usually where we find our powers.                                

 

 

wilize maleombho