“When trust goes out the door, love goes out the window.” I remember glancing at my then boyfriend, now fiancé as we listened to the pastor speak about trust. Did I trust him? No, I didn’t, not fully anyway. Did I love him? Yes, I did. How can love and trust not go hand and hand though? I remember asking myself that Sunday several years ago. I haven’t always been the most trusting person, long before any boyfriend could hurt me, I learned about love and relationships from my parents and my fathers infidelity on my then pregnant mother before I was born, resulted in me growing up with an older brother that I love dearly and also me vowing to never date a man who already had children, as subconsciously my fathers sins made me adamant that whoever I were to marry, I wanted to be the first to bare his last name and children, or perhaps…he might cheat.
I only dated guys who did not have children and as a teenager that wasn’t very hard, however I still had trust issues, some of which I still have today. Am I able to still have a successful relationship despite not always fully trusting my partner? Yes. Do my issues with trust sometimes affect my relationship? Also yes.
Sometimes I find myself wanting to type that password on the phone…ya know, just to see or maybe ask him about that strand of hair in the car that isn’t the same shade as mine. Then I stop say a silent prayer and relinquish (or try to) any negativity weighing on me.
The fact is, and the most important fact is, that I love him. I love my fiancé and he loves me and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is the man that God placed on this earth for me to share my life with for as long as he allows.
I also know that we are both humans and as humans we have made mistakes, we have hurt each other and chances are we will hurt each other again as we will also move past those hurts and continue to love each other and continue to grow.
Trusting for me is an ongoing process and learning experience. Sometimes it’s easier for me to doubt than at is to trust and I require proof far too much. One thing I know to be true is that unlike man, God is perfect. So I put my trust, 110 percent of it on him. I trust that God picked my fiancé for me to love, learn and grow with. I trust that I am doing what is in his will. I trust that everything that happens in my life is in some way part of God’s plan and I feel at peace with knowing that at the end of the day no matter what happens in my life, God is in control and that is something I will never lose faith in and never, ever stop trusting.
-Ashlee Rene Poet
Relationship & Love Specialist.