The Heart That Ache


For some love comes easy,  as if their soul peacefully walked into their lives with open arms and screamed "here I am, ready to be loved".  But for the rest of us, love can be painful. It can come in the form of trials and tribulations,  lessons eager to be learned or wounds that are cut so deep that we eventually lose hope.

I've seen grown women sob uncontrollably over hearts that deserted them, or man who pity their ego for misleading them into loving. 

I've seen pain come out of love.
I've seen shame come out of love. 
I've seen death come out of love

 The lost hopes

I too had lost hope once. I had loved so hard and gave so freely that I forgot who I was. (This I later learned though was not love, but a manifestation of  what the buddhist called Mara, the illusion).  I was devastated when we parted. I sat there thinking my world had fallen apart. I tried using the new age  approach to heart break ( or anything broken for that matter) : Affirmations

  • Everything is intended for your own good
  • Nothing  in life is really that personal
  • you are a QUEEN ! You are a QUEEN! You are a QUEEN!!

Sometimes it worked but for the most part, I was still in pain.  The problem with this new age stuff is that they omit some part of the process. For instance, they forget to tell us that once a habit or i.e a thought pattern has been created it takes twice as much work to overcome it and replace it with a new habit. Therefore all the affirmations in the world couldn't bring me peace.

I am not here to advocate against affirmations, because once we've learn, to train our minds in undoing the habits they actually do work. But for the rest of us who are still working on balancing life, with a not so perfectly trained mind we could really use an alternative. 

What worked for me was allowing myself to feel; feel everything even if it means pain then process and question it. YES I said it! QUESTION EVERYTHING even your pain.  Be honest with yourself and sincerely  ask " Why I am I feeling this way ?" 

I am not going to lie and tell you that this will  make you feel better. However, I will  say that you may discoverer certain things about yourself by questioning the underlying reasons why you feel this way. Fear may have come in the form of a heart break but that's just another manifestation of Mara.

I now take the time to thank my lessons, that may have manifested in the illusion of love, because they helped me understand what I feared. I eventually transformed this fear into writing which  became a healing tool, and eventually with time the pain subdued.

This reminds me of the sacred word of my favourite poet Rumi:

The cure for the pain is in the pain.