Story time - For the purpose of this series I collected a few stories from girlfriends or members from the tribe. I rewrote their words into a story line and use fictional characters for people who didn’t want to reveal their identity.
“ Have you ever heard of the term “Dick-timize”? (laughter) like when the sex is so good that you forget what you really want out of a relationships ? I heard of women and men talk about this concept before but never have I ever thought this would apply to me. I met him at a business conference, we clicked instantly. We started with dates, but quickly escalated to sexual intercourse. I however, made it clear from the jump that I wasn't ready for something serious. He was on board at first but then, a shift happened. I am not sure how or when the shift even started but it was becoming more and more obvious that he wanted more than what I had sign up for. I kept re-affirming that all I wanted was for us to hook up nothing more, but it wasn't enough. He started to pick fights on the regular. The more he expressed how he felt the more I became aggressive with what I wanted. This went on for months, I thought about calling it quit several times but couldn’t because I was dick-timize. This man allowed me to discover aspects of my sexuality that I never knew I had. Obliviously, the relationship ended on the wrong note, he got hurt. I had hoped for it to end on a friendlier note but that’s the thing:
When you aren’t on the same page it always ends badly
-Anonymous tribe share
In the “thinking girls guide to the right man” book by Joanne Davilla, the concept of mutuality answers three questions: What kind of person do I wish to be with and why? AND is this person interested in what I have to offer? Every connection that we create is preceded by and intention. Most of the time the intention that you have for a person determines how you treat them. Ideally the goal is that our intention for the relationship match the intentions of our partner; it doesn’t matter if the goal is a seasonal hookup or a committed situation.
The story above illustrated how a connection can go south if the intention of both partners are not on the same page. In the story homeboy started feeling violated because he wanted something more out of their connection, hence he started picking the fights as a defense mechanism. Meanwhile homegirl failed to listen to the signs. In my opinion the shift didn't happened overnight, but often times when we are blinded by our own desires of what we want out of a relationship we fail to listen to the signs. Applying the concept of mutuality to our life can help us understand the type of intention we may have for every relationship we create as well as what to pay attention to when we are searching for a partner.
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